High Energy Gender Physics 101

OK I have had several IMs about the veracity of my Phd. A couple of people doubt the fact that there is such a subject as High Energy Gender Physics for me to be a Doctor of let alone that an organ of further education would be foolish enough to give a PhD to me.

As a department we are easily missed sandwiched as we are between the gilded spires of the Department of Advanced Puppetry on one side and the overly ornate agate dome of Applied Knitting and Infra-Embroidery on the other.  However small the premises we in the Dept of High EngGen are one of the most thrusting departments on the whole campus.

Since the field requires (a) a substantial amount of liquid to act as a capture material for the sub atomic particles and (b) particle emmitters or males and females as the general public would have it. Thankfully we did not have to build a device like the Large Hadron Collider for our studies which lets face it is very expensive, takes years to build before you can have fun and requires a big hole somewhere foreign where they can’t make bacon butties and have never heard of HP sauce. Our “High Energy Gender Particle Accelerator” was much cheaper and didn’t require mining to make, we call it “The Student Union Bar”

The high up honchos in the arts departments would have you believe that Love, Desire and dare I say it … lust are made of ethereal, transcendental, supernatural stuff. They will very probably start quoting poetry and pointing at butterflies and getting all Elizabeth Barrett Browning up side your head. BAH! and thrice BAH! A Plague of government inspectors on their departments! Our research PROVES that love, lust and desire are governed by a group of sub atomic we have named the “Eroticons”

T’was over a particularly good Phal curry (** Advertisement ** you too can sample this culinary materpiece not 5 minutes from this Blog Post at the Taste Of India resteraunt ) we named these particles

The NeitherOneNorTheOtheroson  has a weight of 1 Foooarrr and spins in both directions but never at the same time and has an AC/DC charge

The Blokeion has a weight of 10 fooarrs has a positive charge and spins vigorously clockwise in the presence of ….

The Femion has a weight of 4 Fooaarrrs (but constantly worries about it) has a negative charge and spins anticlockwise

Needless to say as with Electo-magnetism +’ive will attract -‘ive and vice a versa a Femion in the presence of a supersaturated stream of plasma Blokeions will increase it’s spin exponentially and vibrates with a frequency that forms a “strange attractor” the exact mathematics at present escapes us but we have a Pie Chart, a Venn Diagram and a very nice computer model that we show when our funding is up for negotiation.

Now some would say “What a waste of tax payers money!” but to be fair it is less expensive to keep us at our studies than it is to lock us up. We know this because the University Dept of Criminal Studies tested this by incarcerating the entire Department of Advanced Plumbing and Polish for 6 months. Which I might add caused us no end of suffering as we could not get the bidet in the toilet to serve warm water!

I hope that has answered any naysayers

— Steve