It’s been a while since I have felt the urge to write anything here. Yesterday my lovely hubby mentioned that several of his colleagues had asked him if I was ok.They apparently enjoyed reading my blog and were wondering why I hadn’t posted anything recently.
This made me think. Why haven’t I felt inspired to write ? Those of you who know me or who have read my blog, will know that I live with depression , bowel disease and some other wee problems (NOT wee wee problems!) associated with getting older.
Winston Churchill called his depression his Black Dog – at its worst mine was more like a herd of bloody great black rhino trampling me into the ground, then sitting on me to make sure I couldn’t get up.
I have learned to deal with it and generally keep it locked away in the deepest, darkest, dustiest ( Mr Sheen free) recesses of my subconscious mind. But just occasionally, I can feel it’s tendrils insinuating themselves into my consciousness, like fog drifting in off the sea – slowly, softly trying to catch me unawares.
This seems to happen at roughly the same time each year with the end of summer ( such as it is here in Ireland). The end of what I used to call “white days” when I was a child – blue sky sunshiney days. The slow slide into dark mornings, cold grey days , long dark evenings. The end of being outside all day in the garden feeling the kiss of the sun on my skin giving me a glow on my face and in my soul.
That “can’t be bothered” feeling returns. Yes , we all get that from time to time. But I know that if I don’t deal with it now, it could so easily get out of control, sending me spiralling back down into that black abyss that I have worked so hard to climb out of.
Now if this was a fantasy TV show it would go something like this.
“V ‘al’ Ri, Warrior Queen of The Sunseekers, armed only with The Golden Sword and Shield given to her by the mighty King Soltan, must do battle against THE DARKNESS and retrieve The Shimmering Orb of Happiness.”
Did the brave and beautiful queen succeed in her quest or was she for ever condemned to be enveloped in THE DARKNESS? Don’t miss this thrilling episode, probably repeated same time , same place next year!
Well, what did you expect – something sensible? I am, after all Slightly Doolally. 🙂 and I’m back, so you can expect some more ramblings.