V’al’Ri , Warrior Queen !!!

It’s been a while since I have felt the urge to write anything here. Yesterday my lovely hubby mentioned that several of his colleagues had asked him if I was ok.They apparently enjoyed reading my blog and were wondering why I hadn’t posted anything recently.

This made me think. Why haven’t I felt inspired to write ? Those of you who know me or who have read my blog, will know that I live with depression , bowel disease and some other wee problems (NOT wee wee problems!) associated with getting older.

Winston Churchill called his depression his Black Dog – at its worst mine was more like a herd of bloody great black rhino trampling me into the ground, then sitting on me to make sure I couldn’t get up.

I have learned to deal with it and generally keep it locked away in the deepest, darkest, dustiest ( Mr Sheen free) recesses of my subconscious mind. But just occasionally, I can feel it’s tendrils insinuating themselves into my consciousness, like fog drifting in off the sea – slowly, softly trying to catch me unawares.

This seems to happen at roughly the same time each year with the end of  summer  ( such as it is here in Ireland). The end of what I used to call “white days” when I was a child – blue sky sunshiney days. The slow slide into dark mornings, cold grey days , long dark evenings. The end of being outside all day in the garden feeling the kiss of the sun on my skin giving me a glow on my face and in my soul.

That “can’t be bothered” feeling returns. Yes , we all get that from time to time. But I know that if I don’t deal with it now, it could so easily get out of control,  sending me spiralling back down into that black abyss that I have worked so hard to climb out of.

Now if this was a fantasy TV show it would go something like this.

“V ‘al’ Ri, Warrior Queen of The Sunseekers, armed only with The Golden Sword and Shield given to her by the mighty King Soltan, must do battle against THE DARKNESS and retrieve The  Shimmering Orb of Happiness.”

Did the  brave and beautiful queen succeed in her quest or was she for ever condemned to be enveloped in THE DARKNESS? Don’t miss this thrilling episode, probably  repeated same time , same place next year!

Well, what did you expect – something sensible? I am, after all Slightly Doolally. 🙂 and I’m back, so you can expect some more ramblings.

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6 Responses to V’al’Ri , Warrior Queen !!!

  1. Bob Balaban says:

    Here’s wishing you warmth and sunshine, real or metaphorical, whatever you can get.

  2. Rob McDonagh says:

    Ah, yes, I can definitely relate. I’m not *quite* as sensitive to the seasons, but there is definitely a noticeable difference here. I’m much more likely to spiral down in winter than in spring or summer. Did you ever try one of those lamps that’s supposed to reproduce sunlight? I never have, but I’m considering it. If I used one to read, that’d be more sunlight than I get in summer! lol

  3. Garrett Murphy says:

    Val,
    There is a history of depression in my family. I only found this out in the last two years and i wish i had known about it when i was in my late teens. It would have explained the awful experience i had then in dealing with it. Unfortunately, my family does not “talk” about such things to each other and it took another episode for it to finally come out. I read a book called “Dark nights of the soul” and whilst it was hard going there was something i really enjoyed about it, it said, don’t fight it, accept that it is how things are, hold tight and just ride it out. A bit like being in a boat in a storm. I found that very helpful. The other great help for me is exercise, that wonderful, tired feeling when you get into bed, muscle exhaustion really helps me switch off…

  4. carol byrne says:

    Yes, I remember the reason now that we moved to the sunshine of Andalucia!! My Irish cousin (well I don’t have any other sort actually!) calls the sky here ‘high’ as opposed to the closed in greyness of home. But then again if you visit Mayo, the dark palette is beautiful in it’s own way with purples, mauves, ambers….weather definitely affects the senses and moods. Not to say I don’t have bad days here! Look up and blow away that dark cloud….x

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  6. Aisling Dearle says:

    Hi Sweetie. I always enjoy your blog posts. This is my downer time of year…missing my parents terribly…so thanks for reminding me to keep pulling myself up by my boot straps! 🙂 Ash x

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