… of incondiserate parking and a novel way to deal with it.

I have been remiss in my blogging of late but I would venture my gentle readers (all 2 of them) would not be interested in the finer points of SAML token construction and the digital signing of XML documents with RSH-SHA cryptography, with which my life seems more than replete at the current time.

I feel compelled to record the following as both a thing of interest and a cautionary tale for those who are incautious and inconsiderate when parking their cars. It was on the weekend just before the McDonagh summer holiday to Scotland and I was standing cadging a sleekit wee smoke outside Sainsbury’s when a large black BMW Chelsea tractor pulled up in the disabled parking bay in front of me driven by a be-suited able bodied chap of around 35. Now I have several friends both young and old that daily struggle getting wheelchairs and themselves or their loved ones into and out of cars and I see a car without the blue sign taking up a bay that should be left for those more needy I get a bit nerked but usually do nothing just in case they forgot their badge on that occasion. When I see a person get out of a car parked in a disabled bay and the person is not in any way impaired I get rather more animated and usually berate the person in such a way than my declamation includes words and phrases that are as inconsiderate of their sensibilites as their parking has been to those that actually benefit from the parking space. I like to think of myself as the Parking Karma Fairy, but it seems there is one greater than I in this field of endeavor.

On this occasion I was beaten to it by a young mother whose imagination flare and artistic performance made my own sweary efforts pale into insignificance … the conversation went like this. I shall refer to the the chap as IDE  (Inconsiderate Dick End) and the lassie as Ms.X. The IDE has exited the car and has jauntily popped his keys into his trouser pocket and is striding purposefully towards Sainsbury’s. Ms.X is wheeling her trolley replete with a weeks shopping and a 3 year old infant in the other direction. She swerves the trolley, causing the IDE to pause. Ms X. goes wide eyed and falls to her knees arms raised in supplication and shouts in a loud voice….

Ms.X – HEAVEN BE PRAISED!
The chap stops and the passing throng pauses, the normal brownian motion of people in supermarket car parks slows perceptibly.
Ms.X – DEAR SWEET LORD IT IS A MIRACLE!!!!
She genuflects wildly, her long auburn hair in disarray as she flings her head from side to side in ecstatic swipes. Her small child raises his arms to mirror his mum and cheers
The IDE looks around sheepishly and misses Ms.X’s sudden lunge at his nearly pressed trousers.
Ms.X. LET ME TOUCH YOUR RAIMENT SO I TOO MAY GAIN FROM THE BLESSING YOUR HAVE RECEIVED!!!

The IDE mutters “Errrr…..” and makes Shushing noises… and tried to disentangle her arms from his legs.

Ms.X – Stranger can I ask what ailment you suffered from? A Palsy perhaps? A shrunken limb? The Shaking Disorder of St.Vitus? For heaven be praised as you got our of your car it vanished, IT IS NO MORE!! YOU ARE CURED!!! IT IS A MIRACLE I SAY MIRACLE!!

IDE.. Errrr I was only nipping into the off license for some wine, Please be quiet you are attracting a crowd,

Which indeed she was

Ms.X  – Why would you park in a disabled bay if you are not disabled? Is it not clearly marked? Do not hide your thanks from the Lord! .. Is it this leg that was afflicted? Let me know so I can give praise and thanks for your cure! Are some Protestant heathen atheist to deny the majesty of the miracle you have been given?

The spectators now having giggled somewhat at the start, now start laughing and join in with comments like “Perhaps he was a blind?” and “He is an estate agent I don’t think there is a cure for that”

The IDE freed himself from the clutches of the woman, scrambled back to his car and with some difficulty given the coral of shopping trollies that had stopped to watch the goings on and drove off in the direction of Lidl, I have to add at this stage that his face was the most glorious colour of pink I have seen in many a day.

Ms.X got up, dusted her knees, and pushed her trolley off amidst the applause of the spectators. To Ms.X I continue the applause with this blog post.. Well done that lassie WELL DONE!