I succeed in ranting about having nothing to rant about.

Gentle reader I am when all said and done adapting well to my chronologically triggered role as “grumpy old git (culshie division – first grade)” and it has come to my attention that since the start of 2014 I have been lacking in rantage on the usual social network channels.

I can only apologise for this lack of spleen this famine of bile and I can assure you that it is not of my making as there has been a distinct lackage of things skundering my pish. Coldplay have been rather silent of late and I can only hope that Gwyneth Paltrow has been keeping the archbollox Mr Martin busy with a plenitude of household tasks to the extent that the aforementioned grand metropolitan of damp tuneless kleenex’s urge to write a Xmas ditty entitiled “I saw Mommy painting Santa Yellow while death and all his friends drank tea out of helicopters” was totally submerged in an extended bout of shed-tidying. I for one applaud Ms Palrow’s dedication to keeping the world’s airwaves free of naval gazing gobshites but alas this has taken the sting out of my new year discomfort.

Looking furhter afield to local politics a quick glance shows that nothing has changed, then again nothing much has changed signicantly in 13 years indeed some would saw that nothing has changed since 1921. Honest to goodness what is the point of having a bunch of poltroons in charge of things if they never do anything really really stupid so I can complain about them. Even the twin agents of gobshitery Edwin Poots and Nelson McCausland have failed to annoy me. I mean what IS THE POINT of putting them in charge of anything if they don’t do anything annoying it was a total waste of beating them with the stupid stick and I do hate waste!

I suppose I could rant about the weather but that is much more an “English” thing, we have had more than our fair share of Storm 10+ gales this year todate but I really couldn’t be arsed complaining about wind unless it orginates from some idiocy fueled mouthpiece on TV.

I note with almost total disinterest that “The Voice” starts this week, yet another program helping the government’s “Caring for the talentless in the Community” initiative and to be fair it does keep the tuneless all in one place where they can be controlled. The masses do like watching their cavortings and it I suppose gives them a more balanced viewing schedule as Jeremy Kyle and that twat (Insert anything with the strange trouserd Simon Cowbell) can become rather cloying after a day or two.

In Tech, Apple are still shiny expensive and as smug as you would expect them to be. Windows is still shite, Linux is running around wearing a penguin oneise going “Look at me! Look at me!”. I suppose I could get pissed about the fact there there are no hardware thingies I really really really want … but given I can really really not afford them were they to exist I am spared the indignity of being pissed off and jealous which is of course a #win.

Hey ho, there is always young men and their inability to use belts on their trousers that is always a irritation but it is rather an attack on low hanging fruit or in this case low hanging Levis-Boss-Diesel-Firetraps.

So here I sit in week one of 2014 totally at a loss for things to meaningfully rant about could this be that nasty thing get 1001 emails about that begin “Are you over 50? Three out of 10 men your age suffer from – Rantile Dysfunction” ? Hmmm perhaps I need to take their advice and take an annual subscription to The Daily Mail? I may consider it if life does not throw me a decent thing to get fucked off about soon.

Adieu for the now as I have to take “The Son” down the town.