Parenting Skills

Some chums and I where having a bit of a deep philosophical type chin wag the other day. We are all of an age where we have been there, done that,  got the tee shirt vis a vis parenthood. After much deep and careful consideration the following list of the top 10 parenting phrases that should be taught in every parent-to-be’s ante-natal classes.  Life without them would be impossible and the sooner you get up to speed on their correct delivery the sooner you will have be able to cope that much better.

1. NO!
2. Careful you will have someone’s eye out with that!
3. When two people REALLY love each other*
4. For goodness sake pull your trousers up**
5. If you  don’t stop ____________ i will take way your PS3 / xBox / iPhone (delete as appropriate) ***
6. Remember to set your alarm to get you out of bed before supper
7. And what you you need £500 for? (See option (1) and consider repeating until they go away)
8. I dont care if  Marky Bumsthwaith has a ___________ you are not getting one (use with repeated 1’s)
9. Nose piercings make your snot fly out sideways when you have a cold you know ****
10. So I can take it that your position is that you want to spend your entire life on the naughty step? *****

* Be careful using this one in conversations about Bankers, Estate agents or  porcupines
** Equally useful when potty training AND when they get into south-central LA baggy jeans
*** Care should be taken with this, as it will lead to the wee dears being out and about more in the general population of the household.
**** Try not and loose your place and use this in a conversation about sex
***** This does not work with the over 5’s!